Esme's new moon
by Brown.eyes.and.bushy.tales
Summary: "That's right." He grimaced, having read my mind. "You do." He sucked in a large gulp of oxygen, which he didn't let go for a long moment. Esme's views on the events of new moon when Edward joins them shortly after leaving Bella. ON HIATUS
1. Healing process

Hey! My second shot at twilight!

It's Esme's POV of Edward's depression when he met them in Alaska.

I just really wanted to show some Esme/Edward bonding, so…here!

Disclaimer: Much to my discomfort, twilight isn't mine…Lucky Stephanie owns it ¬_¬ *pouts*

_**-Oo-oo-oo-oo-**_

_**-**It was as if he was forbidden from having happiness in his life, and I didn't understand why...What had he done to deserve this? To loose a love he had bareley known?-_

I regarded my new home in silent sadness. It didn't..._feel_ like home. The way forks did. And the house was full, and still, it was empty. My first son had yet to join us in Alaska, as he was saying goodbye to a girl who I had thought of as my latest daughter, but, it seemed it would never be. I missed her dearly. That's what made the home seem empty; everyone's suffering in silence. Bella had grown on us all, thanks to Edward. I was so ecstatic had finally found a mate, and then...

Jasper turned his head guiltily towards me-I accidentally let a sob escape my mouth. I wouldn't slip again, for my children's sake. Jasper's guilt was affecting us all in different ways, but it had to be taking its toll on him the most. I turned my attention back to the pale wall, counting the moments until my spouse's return, when he could comfort me in a way sometimes even my children couldn't. I knew what it was like to loose a child. I'd sincerely hoped it would never happen again, because it was worse than any other pain I should ever have to experience, including vampire death. I could feel a breakdown threatening to engulf me, and so I ascended the stairs quickly and took refuge in my room. Emmett sighed: a sound that rarely escaped his usually cheerful lips. I tried to sob quietly, but found that my children's misery only intensified the sound. I felt so horrible, knowing that they could all still hear me, and that I as hurting them, but I needed to let this go. The dry sobs began to quiet, and I heard the gentle purr of a vehicle parking outside of the foreign house. _Edward!_ I thought, sprinting down the stairs and locking my eyes on the door. My children had beaten me to it in their haste, and they surrounded a broken man. His eyes were tortured and black and he look as though if he could sleep, he hadn't done so in a thousand years, and I didn't even believe it was because of thirst. I took a step closer and watched as they tried aimlessly to console him.

"How did it go?" Rose.

"What did she say?" Alice.

"How are you?" Jasper.

"I'm sorry, man..." Emmett.

He looked up at Alice, who until that moment, had been ignoring him with an indescribable hatred, for not letting her say her goodbyes to her best friend, and managed to choke out. "Please..."

He stumbled towards me, and letting my maternal instincts consume me, I embraced him as tightly as I could and held his head. His form shook, trying in vain to prevent the sobs, but to no avail; he returned the embrace and began to bawl tearlessly onto my shoulder. I said nothing and let him empty his sadness. I knew he couldn't do that all now, but when he needed to let it go, I would be there. I'd decided that the moment he'd made his decision.

"Esme..." He sobbed quietly into my ear.

"Shhh! You don't have to say a word." I steered him up the stairs, signalling to the others not to follow. My one priority now was my first child, who I felt had been neglected slightly, even though I always gave him my affection. I also knew he would feel better talking to me if he didn't have an audience. When he stopped sobbing, I slowed the stroking of his back to slow, circles, as opposed to frequent brushes to help quieten him. Then I sat back and told him to take a deep breath, and tell me-

"What happened?"

"Her-her-her, r-reaction, so excruciating." He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing what I presumed were haunting images of her, to go away.

"How so?" He made no eye contact with me, but I made my best effort to make the understanding silence soothing. We both knew what it was like to lose someone of uttermost importance to us.

"That's right." He grimaced, having read my mind. "You do." He sucked in a large gulp of oxygen, which he didn't let go for a long moment, as he massaged his temple. "Excruciating."

"Please, let me help you." I told him with genuine sincerity. He was my son. I didn't want him hurting.

_You're my son. I don't want you hurting._

"I told her we were leaving, and she told me she was coming. I told her it was family only." He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose again. I caressed his shoulder motherly, willing him to go further.

"And…She knew instantly why we were leaving…." He relived the same painful incident, the way I would sometimes when I thought of my baby. But that had had time to heal- this, was a brand new wound, which I as a mother, must lick. I could almost imagine Jasper flinch when he said that, and I felt a sharp pang of remorse for my younger, yet older son.

"She-wouldn't-surrender, so I had no choice…. Mother." He howled in my shoulder for a while, and I didn't stop him. He was opening up to me, which I wasn't sure if he would. But I was grateful that he had turned to me, because I always have love to offer him, I hope he never forgets that.

I managed to get him to crack a smile at that statement, and so I soothed him on, wanting to hear the full story.

"I told her that I didn't _want_ her… All wicked lies….But she believed me, and I could almost _see_ her heart break. But I certainly heard it…" I put my hand on his head, where, strangely, it rest on my shoulder. I'd found when my other children wanted guidance, even _Jasper_, would do this as a sign of affection. But never Edward…I must have done _something_ right to earn his fondness, my son… He smiled half-heartedly again up at me.

"You did a wonderful thing…" He glanced up at me sceptically.

"You sacrificed your own happiness, to try and make her life better. If that isn't loyalty and love, then I don't know what is." I continued.

"I'm empty." It was a statement that crushed _my_ un-beating heart, but I didn't care for my feelings now. I was here to mend _his _broken heart, which I _would_ do.

"She must hate me for this, how can I go on knowing that she despises my very essence?"

"Perseverance. As long as you believe you did the right thing, she _will_ heal. And even if it takes you a century-"He winced. Maybe that amount of time was a wrong example. "You'll heal too." He looked at me in gratification, and I looked him in the eye, searching for a sign that he wanted to be alone, but I found none.

I didn't mind though, I was happy to be some reassurance, for my child that hadn't ever felt the full force of my special placation. I began to rub his shoulders again as he closed his eyes and I gazed out the window optimistically. For now, he was bleeding, but with a lot of mother's love, I could stitch him back up.

_You'll heal too._

_**-Oo-oo-oo-oo-**_

Let me know your opinions with a review!


	2. Peaking

I'm back, and I have the second chapter with me! I think, because of the requests, I might just make Esme's whole account of 'New moon'

**Happy new year** by the way!

Disclaimer: I am frequently haunted by the fact that twilight will never be mine. *wipes away tears*

^_^

_**-Oo-oo-oo-oo-**_

_**-The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honoré de Balzac.**_

I didn't know how more punishment he could stand. I thought he would be okay, but, as far as anything I've tried to help Edward, he's only gotten worse. He's unresponsive to even Carlisle, and rarely leaves his bedroom. He locks it, even though he knows that does no good when dealing with vampires, and I'm beginning to miss him. I can't say anything about home to him, because he'd snap at me, but I just want to go _home_--to _forks_. I can tell Alice and Emmett are homesick too, because they have no energy left; Emmett tries to joke, but I know behind closed doors he grieves quietly with Rosalie. And Alice doesn't even have the will to shop anymore; she'll claim to go out, and come home with one or two bags. When I ask her why she doesn't have more, she'll say she couldn't find anything. But I know she's just missing her companion. I think Bella's absence is taking its toll on us all, but I can see that Edward has lost the will to live again. His only reason to live was there. He needs revival. We need to go back.

_"No!"_ A seething voice hissed. I flinched from where I was sitting. I had no idea he had been reading my mind.

"Edward I-"

"We've done _enough_ damage! We can't ever go back there, even after her-" _Death? _He stopped abruptly, and his eyes were black voids. You could see a thousand yards through them, but there was no movement; he was a ghost. A living ghost.

"Edward I'm sorry, but this isn't healthy for any of us! You haven't come out of your room in days!! I'm sure Bella isn't doing any better-"

"She'll do fine without me, if I hadn't…..Fallen in love with her, she wouldn't have been subjected to the danger!" He growled at me. I pushed him backwards with a deafening crack, so unwelcoming I knew if he was human I would have broken his ribs. Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and Jasper came to see what the noise was.

"This isn't just about you!" It hurt me to shout at him. "We all care about you and this behaviour is effecting us all! We let you make this decision even though I knew it was wrong! Now you've seen it for yourself, we need to go back to forks." And I added as quietly as I could. "_Bella needs you, and I want you back…"_

He wobbled unsteadily, and collapsed under my weight as I caught him, steadying him on my bed.

"Calm, Edward, calm." I tried to quiet his shaking form. He rejected my offer of comfort and backed away from me. My face crumpled in offence.

"If I'm making you all so miserable, I should leave." Alice's head snapped up from me towards her brother.

"Ed, Esme didn't mean that- "His eyes left mine and probed hers instead.

"Don't go looking into her future either, we _have_ done enough." Then he brought his half-hearted attention back to me.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused mother," Then he charged, straight through our third-story window, landing outside and not even sparing me another glance as I sobbed his name out into the peaking twilight. I sunk against the wall, ignoring their attempt at consoling words.

_My baby is gone…My Edward is gone…_

I'd just lost a child…_Again._ Why can't I protect my children anymore?

"You can, Esme, he'll come back, we know he will." Alice said, gently stroking my hair. Had I been saying this out loud?

"He hates me, because I wanted to go back to forks, I sho-shouldn't have said anything!" I spluttered embarrassingly, as Emmett got down on his knees and Jasper sent calm waves towards me. I could tell my breakdown was tearing them up too, and a wave of guilt attacked me. I assumed it was Jasper, but…I was capable of producing so much of my own guilt at the moment I wasn't sure. Jasper looked at the floor, and I recognised his expression. I didn't need to be an empath to know the look on his face: regret. I stood up, leaving Emmett and Alice on the ground and going up to Jasper. He regarded me reluctantly, as if he was committing some serious crime by looking at my face. I ignored his protests and embraced him fiercely, and he hugged me back. If I broke, so would they; we were all emotionally unstable at the moment. One more crack from anybody in the family and we would all shatter into a thousand fragments.

"Don't beat yourself up, we shall all get through this, we will." I tried to tell them. They all looked like they were on the verge of tears, and I embraced them all at once, projecting all my compassion around them, letting them know this was none of their faults. Alice let several sobs out next, which I had never seen her do. She hugged me tighter as I watched Emmett scrunch his eyes up; Alice's cries were distressing him greatly, so I tried to hook my arm tighter around him also. I blamed none of them, not even my absent child; he didn't know what he was doing, and he would discover the painful longing to be even more unbearable soon enough, I just hope Bella's patience will stay with her until he was ready. It was a good half an hour before I released them. Carlisle's car came into the driveway and he came in, to find us all huddled onto the bed, with five masks of identical sorrow. He didn't need to ask to know why we were mourning.

"I knew he would leave eventually…" He whispered sadly, joining us to grieve. Now that he was here, I clutched onto him for dear life, as my children one by one filed out of the vicinity: Jasper, followed by Alice, then Rose. But Emmett stayed, before reluctantly following his companion. My arms snaked around his neck as he kissed my forehead reassuringly.

"Do you think-He'll come back?" I sniffed.

"Yes, maybe not today, but if we give him some space, I believe he'll come home."

That did make me feel better, but the worst part was that not knowing his whereabouts, or if he was safe. Or if he was doing something stupid.

"Can we at least call him?"

"Yes." He pulled out his mobile and swiftly punched Edward's number into the keypad.

It wrung five times before there was an answer.

"Edward." He sighed in relief.

'_Dad.'_

"Your mother is worried-Where are you, and when will you come home?"

'_I'm sorry; I'll be staying with the Denali clan for a while, if that's okay. Please tell Esme not to worry about me.'_

"I can do that for you. Would you like to talk to her?"

He hesitated, maybe listening to my shallow breathing to determine whether he would or not. _'Not right now, but please reassure her for me. Tell her I just need time... To think without interruptions.'_

"I love him, tell him I love him." I couldn't help but say. Sometimes I worried they didn't know I did, but I couldn't afford for him not to recognize how poignant I was.

"She loves you, you know."

'_I know. More than I deserve. Tell her I love her too. Goodbye, Carlisle.'_ And then the line went dead.

I sighed.

"He's in good hands; the Denali will take care of him."

"I know. I just wish he was in _our_ hands, that's all." I stared unresponsivley at the crevices in the redwood floorboard.

Carlisle released me, demanding my eye's attention. "He isn't abandoning us, he just needs to be with a smaller group, so he has more room to think, and they won't be thinking about the one thing he needs his mind to shy away from."

"I didn't _know_ he was reading my mind."

"I know Esme. I know."

He knew, but it didn't make me feel any less like a rogue. I think he was already at his peak, but I tipped him over the edge. If only I _knew._ He was mad at me, because I was the straw that broke the camel's back. I leaned into Carlisle as a phantom wave of nausea hit me. Now the house was even emptier than before. My technique must have been slipping. Maybe I had lost my maternal abilities, because maybe I wasn't a mother to them anymore.

"Esme, are you okay?"

I wasn't a mother to them anymore?

"Esme."

Then what was I?

_**-Oo-oo-oo-oo-**_

_Examen de la nouvelle lune Esme!_

_Review Esme's new moon! (Don't ask me why I translated in French, because I don't know...)_

_**I'm going to put a quote like that at the top of ever chapter, it's going to match the theme of the chapter.**_

_**1: Mother.**_


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